What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
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