You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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