I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
