now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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