I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
