Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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