his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
