my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Randomize
