return my video game
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Someone came in the potted fern
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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