Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
