I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
