I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
