And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
