end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
