I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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