can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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