I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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