I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
