Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
