Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
