Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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