Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
