what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
