you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
