Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
