$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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