i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I don't �care how much you're grieving �a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.�
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
