Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Randomize
