My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Randomize
