Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
A+ Viking dick
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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