his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
