I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
