Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
