I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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