Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
