I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Randomize
