Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
