Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
