she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
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