Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Randomize
