i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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