What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
