I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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