I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
