"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
