I just pynch a tree in the face
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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