Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
