you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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