Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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