But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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