my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon�
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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