You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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