RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
