i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
