News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I need a beard to bite.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Randomize
